Spooktober Side Car 1: Tales of Halloween

Because I also enjoy Spooktober I figured I would share some thoughts on the crap I watch over the next month. But because I'm not as eloquent nor as good at watching movies and providing insight as Mr. Hubbard, these will be of the mini variety. These are going to be heavily stream of consciousness and not edited so read at your own risk.

So, kicking off my short and disappointing... uh, review. Yeah that's the short and disappointing thing that involves me, yeah. I watched the 2015 anthology Tales of Halloween. It is ~90 mins broken into 10 short stories only 2 or 3 of which were entertaining or memorable in anyway. In a very big surprise each and every story has some kind of twist in it. All the twists suck though.

The opening credits are Gamecube/ PS2 era CGI and that's about as good as the effects get throughout. I'm also going to spoil what stories I can remember because this anthology was doo doo garbage and you shouldn't watch it.

The first story involves an urban legend where there's some kind of monster that kills you if you don't leave it an offering of candy from your trick or treating haul. If you eat your whole haul it will rip you open so it can eat some of that sweet sweet candy that's in your tummy.

The second involves a kid that is manipulated and encouraged by a demonic Barry Bostwick to do tricks that include stabbing a dentist with a shiv fashioned from a toothbrush. This is one of the better shorts. Plus, Barry Bostwick makes some pervy comments and is creepy (in the sex way not in the spooky way).

The third has a group of 4 adults partying. When one answers the door a small child dressed as a Witch says she wants to do a trick instead of get a treat and then stabs him in his belly repeatedly with a knife. Some other murder children show up and kill the other adults. One of the kills involves a flame thrower to the face followed by pouring rat poison in the guy's mouth and sealing the mouth shut with duct tape, so that was decent. The remaining surviving lady runs into the garage and quickly deletes some photos off her phone instead of calling 911 while she hides in the corner. The murder children come in and flip on the light and there's a child tied down to a surgical bed missing an eye. This part is cut with flashbacks of the adults doing torture surgery and showing they were the real murder people all along. The now justified murder children cut the restraints on eye girl who grabs an axe and plants it into the skull of the last adult while saying, and this is an actual quote from this high quality movie, "Happy Halloween you fuckin' sicko". Also this short involved some very good practical effects

This is a very realistic looking human eye and also blood

The other stories involved some kid summoning a demon to get revenge on some kids who murdered his family, something with a ghost who steals your eyes if you look at it, uhhh a witch that super wants a kid and abuses her lover because she wants the kid so bad, two neighbors who fight over their yard set ups, a leatherface type killer who gets into a battle with a corpse from a freshly killed victim that has become possessed by an extraterrestrial who wants to trick or treat, a kidnapping where the kid that is abducted turns out to be a monster that causes trouble for the kidnappers, and a killer jack-o-lantern made from a genetically engineered super pumpkin. That sounds like it covers it all. Now here's some more screen shots:

Check out these pants made of flesh I think?

This tiny claymation dude was the cutest/ best effect in the movie

Raaar I'm a killer pumpkin eatin ur head

RATING: 1 poorly CGI'd star out of five. It was awful and I have a high tolerance for shlock.

HOW I WATCHED IT: Amazon Prime

BEVERAGE: New Holland Sour Inc: Concord Grape Gose. The beer was way better than the movie.