Spooktober II Review #29 - Slumber Party Massacre

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Amy Jones

"You know you want it. You'll love it."

I'm not mad at Slumber Party Massacre, I'm just...disappointed. I watched it tonight on a whim, mainly because of the goofy title and the fact that it's only 76 minutes long. At first glance, it seems like a standard 80's schlock slasher flick, and in many ways it is, but it's unique among the field by being both written and directed by women. The woman who wrote it, Rita Mae Brown, is a novelist, poet, screenwriter, feminist activist, and lesbian. The director, Amy Jones, is an established screenwriter, director, and editor in her own right. In fact, she had a choice: make Slumber Party Massacre or edit E.T., and she decided to take on the bigger challenge. It was too enticing not to watch.

Unfortunately, the studio got a hold of Brown's script, and changed it from a parody of slashers into something more straightforward. Had the film been directed by some Cannon Films scumbag like Michael Winner (who infamously wouldn't let Marina Sirtis cover up her bare breasts while in between shots during a disgusting rape scene in an ice cold warehouse) I'm sure the film would have devolved into something completely irredeemable. As it stands, it's not great, but there are some parts, especially close to the end, that are funny and insightful.

The story here is as simple as possible, and yet I spent the first half of the movie confused (most of the actresses look alike). The parents of a teen girl, Trish, are going out of town, and are leaving her alone at the house. She decides this is a good time to throw a slumber party, and invite her three friends over for some beer, pizza, and tacked on nudity. All of the girls are on the school's basketball team, along with new student and star player Valerie, who the other girls don't particularly like (because she's a good student and good at basketball). Valerie is also next-door-neighbors with Trish, so she'll be forced to listen to their fun all night.

In the midst of this, various radio broadcasts inform the audience (and the oblivious characters) that an escaped murderer named Russ Thorn is on the loose. Thorn's weapon of choice is a large drill, that he uses to penetrate his victims. If the symbolism isn't clear by this point, maybe this scene will help:

Watch until 46:07

So yeah, some of that clever feminist scriptwriting held on to the final cut, but it sure takes a while for it to hit. The first act is nothing but tits, and horny boys, and killing. There's so much more they could have done here, but whatever humor and insight he screenplay had here was sanded down into a dull boob-filled teen romp.

Luckily the third act fleshes out the characters a little more, and modifies Russ Thorn into a more explicit rapist, making a commentary about men in general. All of the male characters in the movie are worthless, it turns out. They are sex-crazed dullards who die easily once Thorn needs to get them out of the way. 

You know what happens in the middle: teen girls giggling, drinking, smoking pot, getting undressed around each other (for some reason), and murder. Thorn is a pretty creepy villain all things considered. The actor playing him does a good job as a quiet psychopath, and it's nice that he's not a masked figure nor does he have some horrible disfigurement. He's an average guy, which means he's a big threat to women.

Eventually Valerie realizes something strange is going on at Trish's house and shows up to investigate. She finds a corpse stuffed into the fridge (which is a pretty impressive stunt by the actress!), and comes face-to-face with Thorn.

Valerie, easily the most empowered character in the film, arms herself with a machete and takes the fight to Thorn. This is a genuinely great scene, with some solid symbolism:

Watch however long you want. What do I care?

But once Thorn is dead, that's kind of it. It fades to black as you hear sirens in the distance. Pretty disappointing, but not unexpected by how quickly the movie speeds through anything that's not killing or nudity.

That's a good description of the movie in general: disappointing. There's enough here to delight the weirdos who only want tits via any means necessary, but the kills aren't particularly amazing (until Thorn gets hacked apart at the end), and you don't care enough about the characters to tell them apart (the giant 80's hairstyles don't help either).

I wish I could see the original screenplay, because there's such a missed opportunity here. Why not have a locker room scene with a bunch of guys hanging dong and playing up their homoeroticism? Have the girls stay one step ahead of the male murderer without really trying. Have the girls realize the power of collective empowerment, and allow them to team up against Thorn more. Heck, redo the whole thing and make the murderer a girl who drills into sex-crazed teen boys! I know Rita Mae Brown had something special in the original script, but it's forever lost to time due to craven male studio executives.

Summary:

It's not the worst thing I've ever seen, and at least it's not lazy and spiteful. There's an intelligence to it that I appreciate, but it's a shame that it only flashes through in a couple of spots. If you're a fan of the slasher genre, give it a whirl. But if you're expecting something with solid bite, temper your expectations.

You can watch it for free on Amazon Video, but honestly, the YouTube video I've been using for clips is a much higher quality transfer.

Oh, last and least: this movie is exactly as old as I am. It was released on November 12, 1982. And we've both aged horribly.